


Unsupervised Monthly Rituals

by Feneris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Community: snkkink, Drunken Renovations, Gen, Giant Spiders, Goats, It's a bad idea to leave new recruits unsupervised, Looting and Pillaging, Mikasa's Scarf, Ominous Latin Chanting, There's Something Strange About the 104th, Unholy Redying Rituals, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There's something strange about those new recruits...</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Erwin was starting to get a strange feeling that it had been a bad idea to leave the new recruits unsupervised.</p><p>It was the severed heads on stakes, the goat, and the big-ass spiders that confirmed it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsupervised Monthly Rituals

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, another fill for the SnK Kink meme. (Good gods I've done a lot of these.)
> 
> This fic is actually two parts. Monthly Rituals was my first fill I did for the prompt, but since such strange and weird things are right up my alley, I was inspired to do a larger more meater fill, which was how I ended up writing Unsupervised. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear for readers, especially on which jokes they liked and which ones they thought fell flat.

**\--- Monthly Rituals ---**

_What the fuck..._

Levi had seen many strange and horrific things in the course of his life. When you had a background as colorful as his, that was almost a given.

This however, fell into the small catagorey of things he had no clue about.

"What the fuck are you three doing?"

There was a long drawn out silence as the three teenagers exchanged worried glances. They didn't answer. To be fair, it was a situation that appeared to be rather hard to explain.

Eren was naked. His body had been painted with a long twisting series of characters that for some reason made Levi's head hurt whenever he looked at them. He was also carrying a long knife made of some black, glassy rock.

Armin, thankfully, was still clothed. The long black cloak and robes however did nothing to explain away Levi's confusion. Nor did the large open book, written in the same headache inducing characters that were written on Eren's body.

Levi dearly hoped that that book was bound with cow leather.

Mikasa in contrast, was wearing standard issue civilian attire. The only thing strange, was that she was not wearing her ever-present scarf. (The same scarf she never took off for any reason short of decapitation.)

That scarf had been placed on what appeared to be some sort of alter, surrounded by lit candles and the severed wings of several crows.

The man, tied up in front of the alter took that moment to let out a loud sob. Levi vaguely recognized the face from a wanted poster. (Something about a serial rapist...)

"We're re-dying Mikasa's scarf," Eren answered at last. "We do this every month."

Levi just stared blankly. All his instincts were screaming at him that he didn't want to know any more.

"Just clean up after you're done," he said at last, slamming the door behind him.

The ominous Latin chanting started up again.

\---

**\--- Unsupervised ---**

Erwin knows damn well that the Scouting Legion is not the most popular branch of the military. They may not be hated like the Military Police, but people need someone to blame for their misfortunes, and the Scouting Legion doesn't have the power to arrest people. He's gotten used to the glares, the mutterings, and the angry parents yelling at him about their dead child.

"HOLY SHIT, THEY'RE BACK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

The screaming in terror and begging for their lives however, is new.

He's starting to have the first inkling of doubt about leaving the new recruits unsupervised.

\---

It's the severed heads on stakes, that finally solidify that little inkling into a fully fledged reason to worry. The police outpost merrily burning away only adds to it.

The only survivor, a lone Military Police officer in torn clothes, can only gibber out a largely incomprehensible explanation. Erwin thinks he catches the words "barbarians," "hordes," and "looting and pillaging."

It appears that instead of getting drunk and trashing headquarters, this particular batch of recruits prefers terrorizing the countryside instead.

\---

Headquarters is actually in much better shape than Erwin dared hope. This has more to do with the fact that everyone was expecting to come back to a burnt out pile of rubble than an actual intact castle.

That being said, while the building appears to be intact, there's a strange sweet smoke wafting out of every window, brightly colored banners strung up across the battlements in a haphazard fashion, the front doors have been blasted off their hinges, and there is the faint sound of cannon fire coming from inside.

They're all dithering, half-afraid at what they'll find inside, when the goat appears. It just wanders out of the front door suddenly, stops in front of Levi, blows a noisemaker in his face, and then wanders back down the path, shaking its head as if in exasperation.

\---

Headquarters has been trashed. The number of holes in the walls suggests someone with a sledgehammer decided to do some drunken renovations. There is even a large hole in the ceiling where someone had decided that stairs were for sissies, and had put in an elevator. (A chair with a set of 3DMG nailed to it.)

They find Sasha Braus asleep on a pile of assorted animal bones, all of which look to be well gnawed. Another room turns up Christa and Ymir fast asleep on a pile of brightly colored cushions, a book titled "Karma Sutra" open beside them.

Jean Kirschtien ,Connie Springer, Reiner Braun, and Bertholdt Fubar they find passed out in another room, surrounded by empty liquor kegs and a strange green water pipe which appeared to be the source of the smoke.

In the west wing, they find the biggest fucking spider any one of them as ever seen. It's the size of a draft horse and, thankfully, as dead as a doornail.

It's at that moment that Armin Arlert, along with Eren Jeager and Mikasa Ackerman round the corner. They look like they've single handily fought a war. Armin is covered head to foot in some kind of orange ichor, has a bandage wrapped around his head, and is armed with a spear tipped with a broken bottle. Mikasa is missing her shirt, and is instead covered with a layer of bandages wrapped around her chest. She is armed with a large iron club in one hand, and an axe in the other. Eren by contrast has a large bloody smear across his right arm, and appears completely unbothered by the meter long black fang sticking through his chest. His choice of armament was a large broken board with a dozen rusty nails sticking out of it.

"Don't worry," Armin says before Erwin can open his mouth. "We've got everything under control! The spiders have been cornered in west storage room, and we're just about to finish them off! We've been luck though. It's just been the small guys. If there had been any of the big, fully grown ones, then we'd really be in trouble."

The three of them then vanish down the corridor before anyone else has a chance to speak. The sound of cannon fire resumes, and they think they can hear Armin scream out a battle cry in some unknown language. (No one knows what exactly what he said, but it was most likely akin to "We will feast on their entrails!")

Everyone gives each other a worried glance, and then looks back at the dead spider.

_Just the small ones!?_


End file.
